Yeah, I'm a little hurt.

And it's not really a big deal or anything, it just hurts a little bit. I'm not letting myself get too upset about it.

It's like this fucking nasty bruise I have on my leg. It looks terrible, but it doesn't hurt unless I touch it.

Maybe if I just let it heal, it'll go away?

Although, I'm sort of freaked about this bruise. It actually...doesn't look like any bruise I've ever had. It's red and looks like blood beneath the skin, and it's green like a regular bruise at the edges.

Anyway, that's not the point. I guess what I mean is that...just the vibe is all cold and just...."Please go away."

I'm the fucking shiny new toy, I guess. I'm cute and you really want it when you see it at first.

And you fawn over it for a little while, before it loses its magic and just gets old. It's not cute anymore. Now it's just sort of obnoxious.

I'm sorry. I guess maybe if I wasn't really fucked up in the head I could be more....unobnoxious. I guess it would help if I could actually open up like I think you wanted....but I just....can't. You don't know how hard it is for me to open up like that, now. And if you wanted me to open up, maybe you should have tried harder? You can't expect me to open like a book because picked me up off the shelf and blew the dust off of my cover. Or maybe you didn't want me to open up and I'm fucking delusional? That might be it.

And yeah, Guitars are inanimate objects. I can love my guitar. Well, not like that or anything. But I am emotionally attached to my guitar.

And I was really emotionally attached to you, too, actually. You ass hole. It's not fair that you could make my heart skip a beat and then decide you don't want it to again.

Not that I mind. It's just sort of weird for me to get attached to anyone like that.

And I can understand if you just want to back out. Not that you've said anything yet. I'm still waiting. If you want to break it off, do it. I'd do it for you, but....what if....?

[And, unrelated to all previously mentioned--it's never going to happen.]

So...yeah. It does sting a little because I was really emotionally attached to you. But you're making it kind of easy to let go. I feel like I've been pushed away. And it's alright. Sure, it's still stinging and I'm a little hurt, but I'll get better.

And yeah, flirting is fun as hell, but there's nothing behind that. I guess we're just lacking chemistry.

---

Also, how old do you need to be to legally buy cigarettes again? I could really use some smoke in my lungs right about now. I've never smoked before, but I guess I've just grown up around smokers. My mother. My grandmother. My sisters.

I can smell someone's smoke drifting this way and it's really...comfortable right now.

And maybe I can chain smoke myself into an early death? Save myself the senile dementia? Probably a lot more fun than killing yourself.

Or enlisting in the army and being really, really careless.