Shoes.

I've never really understood the draw of shoes to most girls, really. Because I sort of hate shoes.

Well, not all shoes. Shoe shopping is a pain, though. I like the kinky shit so for me the problem is that the only shoes that catch my eye look something like you'd find on a domme holding a whip (:3) but those also look very uncomfortable and not at all my sort of thing, so I tend to pass on those.

And the problem for me is that I'm generally chronically coordinationally challenged and become dizzy periodically throughout the day and it becomes a bigger problem when the sensitivity in my feet are eliminated. So I buy a pair of shoes, wear them for a year until the soles are worn down enough that you can bend them in half, and then keep wearing them until they fall apart on my feet.

Although, it wouldn't be a problem if I had these shoes.



They're basically designed to emulate barefoot walking, but with more protection from heat and cold (Walk in snow!). You can feel everything underfoot, and it's great for your posture and your back, if yours is fucked up like mine.

They also look like the dopest shit on both sides of the Mississippi, in my humble opinion. ^_^

And they're more specifically designed for sports and trekking, although you can use it for regular travel, too. Seriously, though. Aren't they awesome?

And if I want a pair for Christmas, I should start saving now because money is tight these days and I don't happen to have $80 just laying around. :(

Am I dying?

So I took a nap, and when I woke up, I just kind of sat there, wondering what that strange noise was, before I realized I could feel it coming from my chest. Just from breathing.

Loud and clear, coming from my chest....kind of felt like when you blow bubbles with ketchup until it's like like foam soap. Sounded like...Pop Rocks on your tongue. Only it's coming from your lungs. And it's really fucking scary.

I kind of freaked out. I knew the doc said I was really sick, but fuck. It sounds like my left lung is totally filled with crap. Maybe I should have asked to see the X-ray?

Now when I cough hard, I can hear stuff moving, after I finish coughing. Kind of feels like your stomach is growling, too, only it's not in your stomach, it's in your lungs. And lasts for a half-second.

Oh, and I got food poisoning last night. I thought I was going to pass out, I was in so much pain and I felt so weak. D:

I'm so sick of being sick. :(

Fantastic.

Here's an added little goody. I started coughing and I could feel something in my left lung, so I went to the doctor suspecting pneumonia. And I was right. Pneumonia. And apparently I'm really sick.

Which is fucking retarded because I'm going to fail this one class if I can't take the fucking final, but my doctor said that I'm straight up not allowed to go in until I'm better. I could blow off my programming final because I don't have any of the files I need, or the compiler I need, and I'd still pass even without the final.

But not the other final.

Eh.

I feel like crap. And I'm frustrated because my days haven't exactly been horrible or anything, so I don't really know why I'm so depressed right now.

And I know my mother and my sister both think its about my relationship sort of ending without either of us having said anything about it. I just sort of assume it's over, now. And I feel like shit because I should be bummed about it, but I'm not. I feel like a bitch.

But I still feel like crap, though. I guess I'm like a child in this sense that I'm always in a state of wanting, and when I finish wanting something I want something more, maybe?

I feel terrible, regardless. And mildly confused.

And I've been crying a lot lately. I never used to cry, and I feel stupid for crying now, but...just....fuck. Everything is going down the tubes, and I don't even know what to do any more. It's like the life I've finally gotten used to is collapsing around me like a house of cards and I'm helpless to stop it because I don't have the power to do fucking anything! It's

I

ARGH!

Bugs me.

Those people who say things along the lines of, "Oh yeah, if she does this, it means this."

It just....those are behavioral tenancies that aren't even patterned enough to be dependable! Everyone is different! If someone does something, it might not mean anything. Actions mean different things to different people! Sure, you could line up similarities, but those are only similarities.

Sure, you can find trends, but they're only trends. There are exceptions to every rule.

Personally, I think every rule is meant to be broken.

Including that one.

Like in the sciences. Astrophysical mathematics have rules that straight up can't be broken, or they don't work.

While everything else is just on a general case by case basis. Sure you could broaden the spectrum a little bit, but the more you broaden the scale, the more exceptions.

I feel terrible.

It's sort of mean, but I love listening to my mother talk to her friends on the phone in Polish. And I feel a little bad because I find it hilarious.

Especially since she only learned up until around nine....so she never really learned cussing, and there are some words that just aren't in her vocabulary.

And my Polish is insanely limited...so every now and then I can understand a lone word in a slurring sea of gibberish...

So when she's on the phone it's like,

Polishkyxbyskwordyskcsbyd,Valedia,polishpolishpolish,soup,polishpolishpolish,turkey,polishpolishpolish,antidisestablishmentarianism,polishpolishCraigsListpolishpolishLinuxpolishWindows7polishpolishSteveJobspolishpolish...

But when she's on the phone and she's pissed off, it's like,

PolishkyxbyskwordyskcsbydFUCKEDUP!polishpolishpolishpolishSHITFORBRAINS!polishpolishSTUPID-ITY!polishpolishpolishValedia!polishpolish!

And then I snap my head around and tuck my tail and run away because I know I'm about to get a verbal beating when she gets off the phone, unless the conversation ends like,

PolishkyxbyskwordyskcsbydHahahah!, polishpolishpolish,Broche,polishpolish,Dziękuję,polish,Tak,polistpolishpolish,Kocham cię,widzenia....

*cough*

The whole reason I was trying to get better for is now a moot point because I'm trying to get better for it. It's kind of fucked up, actually. So now there's really no reason to rush the getting better process.

Yeah, I'm mildly pissed, but eh. that's life.

And anyway, it turns out I'm the most sick today that I've been for the last week. I'm in pain, miserable, and mildly pissed.

I also feel absolutely disgusting because my hair is greasy and I think I'm running a fever so I don't want to risk passing out in the shower, but fuck I would love a shower right now.

Also, I feel like my language skills are in the toilet right now, and I'm trying to figure out why. I've always prided myself on my language skills, but for some reason I feel like that part of my brain is....I don't know....malfunctioning or something.

So now I'm in pain, miserable, mildly pissed, and just a little bit freaked out.

*blink*

Wasn't aware that anyone was actually reading my blog...I didn't expect anyone to find it, let alone comment on it.

But I guess it's just a subject that everyone involved really just wants their opinion out there for. Thanks for commenting on it, I appreciate your thoughts. :D

So, to clarify, I know that speech ability varies from person to person. As my ASL teacher put it, it's like playing piano.

After a few weeks of piano lessons, her friend could play fluidly, but she was still picking notes out with her pointer fingers. Some people have a talent for it, and some people are just not good at it.

I actually have a Deaf friend that I didn't know was deaf until she told me. Her speech is incredible. I thought she might have been a little bit Hard of Hearing, but nope. She's stone Deaf. Can't hear a thing. She also doesn't have an implant.

Her parents have an incredible capacity for languages, though. I guess she inherited that trait. And she's had years of speech therapy.

Oh, hey, funny story. I finally got around to asking my ASL teacher if she saw the House episode, and she responded that she had and hated the ending.

After piquing everyone's interest, I finally told them, "House implanted someone with a Cochlear Implant...without their permission!"

And all at once everyone took in this shocked gasp of sheer horror. Someone even said, "Oh no, House! NO!"

It was hilarious. I think my teacher was especially amused by everyone's reaction because it meant that she'd taught us about Deaf Culture well.

And sometimes I'm almost a little afraid to express my opinion on CI's because I'm afraid of getting chewed out by both sides of the argument.

I actually have a neutral outlook of it. I think it's amazing that we have the technology to do that, since the brain fascinates me, and I didn't realize we had that technology to begin with, until I took the class.

I think if I ever went deaf, yeah, I'd go for the implant, but that's because I'm already /in/ the hearing world.

If my child was born deaf, then I would have to say that, No I wouldn't give them the implant. Not because I'm anti-CI or anything. I just think...well, you know the phrase, "If it's not broken, don't fix it?"

---

Right, so no classes for me today, because I started hacking up a color of phlegm I've yet to see....It's not supposed to be brown, right? And with everyone around here freaking out about the five confirmed cases around here, I don't want everyone to think I've got Swine Flu when it's just a throat infection.

Well, since I freaked out the last time because the symptoms matched Mono, I actually did see the doctor it...so technically I guess it's an upper respiratory tract infection. I still don't know why I get them every Winter and Summer, but it means for the next two days I'll be downing Vitamin C like I'm trying to overdose. I need to get better...by tomorrow, if possible, but absolutely need to be back in classes by Friday.

Which I know sounds impossible, but I can attest to the positive effects of Vitamin C. Enough of it can honestly shorten the span of the infection from seven to ten days, to even two days.

I don't know why I've been smelling peaches in my room, but now I really want a peach. I wonder if we have any left?