Nostalgia

Eh. Sometimes I listen to music and hear voices.

Shouldn't it be the other way around? Should the music drown out the voices? And I know the voices don't come from the music, because I can still hear them when I mute it.

It's always been like that, though. I even have memories of it when I was a baby. It has this distinct hunter green, burnt orange feeling. And it kind of feels like the sound of an owl crossed with a throbbing train. Reminds me of the kids section at Books-a-Million. And it's sort of like when you stand up and blood rushes to your head.

I know. It's more of those beta thoughts. Sometimes they don't make sense when they come out of the translation. It's hard to find a synonym....how do you feel a color? But there's no other word for it.

I've been feeling a little mentally weak, lately. I've been having a lot of trouble with memory. Metacognitive memory in particular. Especially when I sing. It's like that part of my brain is being shut off as I'm using it. I'll be in the middle of a phrase, and I'll forget the lyrics as I'm singing them. Even when the words are the same as the phrase before it....it's so frustrating!

And it's getting really easy to get depressed. I sort of want to crawl into bed and never come out. Guitar is lacking the satisfaction is usually gives. I'm not hungry at all. I don't really want to eat. Food that I usually like tastes sort of disgusting to me right now.

But I know that I can't let it get to me. I have to fight it. If I just let it swallow me like I did in that Freshman year of high school, I'll never be able to survive it.

And I know I can fight it. I just have to find the right music. Sadly, however, I'm still missing about 10 gigs of my music collection. What I do have isn't everything I need to pull out of it. I have Death Cab at least. That helps. I still have to find everything all over again.