I....

I should really stop blogging when I'm on my period. When I'm on my period I really just want to watch two people beat the snot out of each other or something like that. Or beat the snot out of them myself. I want to watch it rain like the apocalypse. I want to...

Eh. Well, right now I'm so insanely frustrated that I just want to rip my hair out.

I feel a little bit like a fucking idiot. I wasted my life on this stupid thing...years of my life, even. And now....it's all gone, for no reason at all, practically.

And I feel fucking stupid for being upset about it.

I always feel stupid for being upset.

And I mean, it couldn't have happened next week? When I'm not bleeding from the deep south?

I should....do something. Make something. Paint something.

Before I hurt myself doing something stupid.

Do you know what it feels like to have a firecracker explode in your hand?

Well, at first it doesn't hurt. It's the shock, really, that just scares the crap out of you. Especially when you're six. And then your hand is numb for four hours. And when you can finally feel your hand, it's so strange and painful...

So if you're trying to throw firecrackers into a tree, make sure you get the fucking firecrackers out of your hand, first.