Human Nature

There is a spider (not a mosquito bite, as I had originally thought) bite on my shoulder blade, right where it hits the mattress.

And I made the mistake of picking at it. So now it's a sore, swollen, sensitive spider bite, that happens to be pressing into my mattress.

And I don't usually sleep on my back, since I find it uncomfortable...I actually tend to curl up when I sleep. Or twist into strange shapes. My mother used to wake me up in the morning and ask if I needed to go to a chiropractor.

It was the only way I could get comfortable.

But now, since there's a swollen, irritated, sensitive spider bite on my shoulder, I kind of want to sleep on my back.

It's the same reason I can only stand the taste of milk when I'm sick and can't have it. The same reason I start dreaming about sleeping in orange grooves--after I come to opposite-Florida (I'm still floating in the wake of that gentle scent of orange blossoms...scent is so soft...like a caress to the nose...not at all like other abrasive odors that attack daily. Yet waking up with the ghost of it clouding my head feels like a slap in the face. I guess maybe to me it's like that because I grew up around it.). Same reason I wear hats after I dye my hair. Same reason I love (As much as I can, at least.) someone sometime after I realize I can't see them again.

It's like a fucking delayed reaction. Suischadenfreude. Masochism.