You May Tire of Me.

I wish I could write them like Ben Gibbard.

You know, when I was younger I used to daydream and imagine what it would be like living in a Hooverville. I thought it would be like living in one of those forts I used to make as a kid. And you'd be more tight-knit with the neighborhood. You'd play all day out in the streets. And things would be tight, but your family would always be there for you.

I guess I was always the daughter that the other mothers didn't want their daughters playing with. At least, at my Dad's house. I guess they figured, "What's a 60 year old man and his wife doing with this little girl?"

Didn't take too much to piece two and two together. I think they thought of me as the wild little girl with a lack of morals. They sort of regarded me like I was Wednesday Addams, although I didn't pick up on that until I was older looking back. They would sort of brush me aside. My friends...well, one of them was really my friend. I think the rest of them were told by their mothers to keep a wary eye on me. Never leave me alone with a toy and all that. Don't listen to anything she tells you, it's probably a lie.

And then, at home I had one best friend. One *real* best friend. The best friend I ever had. I don't remember how long she'd lived with us, but it felt like years.

Probably only lasted a summer, though. Her mother had cancer, and eventually she moved away. I think I could connect with her so well because there she was the girl the other mothers didn't want their daughters playing with (excluding mine) and we would run around and have fun. Bicker and fight and joke and play and just be little girls.

Man, it sucks being friendless. I think when I needed her most she had to leave. For years, looking back I don't think I really had any honest true friends for years, until the eighth grade at least. Then I had to go and leave them behind.

And now I might have to go and leave these behind. No wonder I'm so much of a fucking introvert. You can't trust people if you know you'll just have to leave them.